we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
