summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
