Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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