Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
