After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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