Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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