Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
We smell like vodka and hangover
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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