the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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