addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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