4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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