Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
