You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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