fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
