in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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