i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
