yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
