I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
oh god the rape fog is back!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
