just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
