I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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