My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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