is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He passed out mid-signature
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
