I'm so fucking centered right now
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
