babies were throwing up all over the place
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Are we still banned from the library?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
