If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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