Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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