I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
