nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
