last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
