I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i think my tv is drunk
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
