I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
nutella sex= disaster
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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