Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
