Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
