Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
