Screwed.edu
We need to rekindle our bromance
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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