I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
