This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
