I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize