A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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