My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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