I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize