can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
