I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
