I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
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