Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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