my text book just quoted the cookie monster
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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