she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
