You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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