The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
