also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
