apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize