great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
