But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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