I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
