my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize