The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
