my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I forgot wine drunk hurts
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
