Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
