im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
