the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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