We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
