He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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