what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
