hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
