I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
