happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
and she was petting her beer can
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
