He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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