Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
