I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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