dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
