return my video game
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
