funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
