there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
