If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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