I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
