i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
