i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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