I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
